


To Absent Friends

by blue_pointer



Series: A Glorious Retelling [46]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Blackmail, Canon Timeline, Confessions, Death, Don't copy to another site, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: c01e064 The Frigid Doom, F/M, Flirting, Found Family, Goodbyes, Grief/Mourning, Hugs, Jealousy, M/M, Metallic Dragon!Gilmore, Minor Character Death, Polyamory Negotiations, Presents, Scanlan is too smart by half, Surprise Kissing, Tiberius Stormwind - Freeform, Vaxmore, Wakes & Funerals, bisexual disaster vax'ildan, minor Cassandra de Rolo/Sherri, really Grog?, relationship drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:02:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28845018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_pointer/pseuds/blue_pointer
Summary: When Vox Machina returns from a makeshift funeral in Draconia, Gilmore holds a wake for Tiberius to help everyone grieve. Vax has some news for Gilmore about his relationship with Keyleth.
Relationships: Keyleth/Vax'ildan (Critical Role), Shaun Gilmore & Sherri, Shaun Gilmore & Vex'ahlia, Shaun Gilmore/Jarett Howarth, Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan
Series: A Glorious Retelling [46]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1975831
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	To Absent Friends

Gilmore had never felt quite so loved by Vax as the night they’d just spent together. His heart felt full. Was he tired? Definitely. But in a comfortable sort of way. Gilmore wrapped his hair up and took a bath, smiling at the soggy candles still stuck to the rim of the tub. He did his best not to drift off, but the water was warm, and the steamy room reminded him of his lair, which he missed. 

His eyes snapped open as there was a soft knock on the bathroom door. “Master Gilmore?” It was Oren, the young cleric of Pelor. “I think it’s past time for your heals, Sir.” Gilmore sighed. He was probably right. He and Vax had managed to drive off poor Danika last night with their trysting. 

“I’ll be out in two minutes!” he called out. Just as well, Gilmore told himself, as he grumpily climbed out of the hot water. He would likely have fallen asleep anyway, left to his own devices.

By the time Gilmore was clothed and out in his bedroom, he could see the rain was pouring down. Sherri came back just after his first session with Oren, carrying a bundle of bread and eggs and fruit she’d nipped from the castle kitchens. They broke their fast together at the small table in Gilmore’s room near the window that overlooked the back gardens. 

“You could have gone to bed, you know,” he told her. 

“I will, after this,” Sherri said. “I just had to make sure he didn’t break your heart again last night.” 

“He did not,” Gilmore said, popping a grape into his mouth, staring out the window. “In fact, he was better than usual.” 

“That’s not saying much,” Sherri said, spooning jam onto a piece of bread. 

Gilmore turned to look at her. “No, really. He was very good.” 

“Spare me the details,” Sherri said, rolling her eyes, which made Gilmore chuckle. 

“Had they left yet by the time you came down?”

She shrugged. “They were still trickling down for breakfast.” Sherri scowled. “They always sleep so late.”

“Well, they’re allowed,” Gilmore told her. “After all the excitement yesterday, I would be, too, if I could.” She stood up and hugged him. “What’s that for?”

“Because you can’t,” Sherri said. “And for Cassie, too. She said to thank you again.”

“You know I would have done it regardless,” he told her. 

“Yes. I know. But you still deserve thanks.”

After Sherri went to bed, Gilmore made his way downstairs to the library, where he was shortly joined by Pike so they could reset the barrier for the day. It was hard not to worry about Vox Machina as the day wore on. He hadn’t felt them leave, but when he scried for them, they were already gone. 

Jarett dropped by for tea and to apologize for having to be away at work the night before. Gilmore assured him that it was alright, and that he understood Jarett couldn’t visit him every night. He looked like he hadn’t slept since the last time Gilmore had seen him, so Gilmore insisted he go up to his rooms and at least take a nap. Jarett resisted, but only the first two times Gilmore told him to do it. 

_“Will you be joining me, Gilt D’amour?”_ Jarett asked, pausing at the bottom of the staircase to look back at Gilmore. 

_“You know I can’t sleep, Jarett.”_

_“Perhaps I was not talking about sleep,”_ Jarett said, giving Gilmore his particular brand of smoulder.

Gilmore laughed. _“Go on, you big flirt!”_ It did cheer Gilmore up some. He had the crossbow ready for Jarett before he awoke, which was sadly before nightfall. Gilmore felt certain Jarett hadn’t caught up on his sleep.

 _“What’s this?”_ Jarett asked, when Gilmore led him to the drawing room where he had laid it out with a big bow on top.

_“I told you I would replace the one you lost, didn’t I?”_

_“No, no, no,”_ Jarett said, walking around the weapon before picking it up. _“This is far too fine a weapon for me,”_ he said, perhaps looking at the ornate relief work Gilmore had commissioned to decorate the foregrip. _“Just something functional would be enough.”_

 _“Well, that’s too bad,”_ Gilmore told him. _“Because I enchanted this one for you.”_

 _“It’s enchanted?”_ Jarett asked, looking up with concern. 

_“Oh, don’t look at me like it’s the devil’s crossbow,”_ Gilmore said. _“It’s meant to keep you alive. And avoid--er--misfires like the one where you lost your last crossbow.”_

Jarett looked sheepish. _“Gilt D’amour, I do not deserve this.”_

 _“You most certainly do,”_ Gilmore told him. 

_“I cannot accept a gift so fine.”_

_“You can and you will,”_ Gilmore said. _“What’s wrong? You don’t like it?”_

Jarett shook his head. _“No, I do.”_ He cradled the stock against his breastplate. 

_“Good. Because I also had it inscribed for you.”_

Jarett searched again until he found the words inscribed in Marquesian along the bottom of the foregrip: _Faster than Death_. He looked back at Gilmore, speechless.

Gilmore smiled. _“You’re welcome.”_ Jarett came to kneel at his feet and kiss his hands. _“Stop that,”_ Gilmore said, playful. _“I know you’ve got to get back to the castle guard and soldiers and whatnot. So don’t start something you can’t finish.”_

When Jarett looked up at him, he seemed to be considering. Gilmore laughed. _“Go on, then. You can thank me later.”_

Jarett slowly rose to his feet. _“I have your permission then? To thank you?”_

Gilmore laughed, waving a hand at him. _“We can negotiate the details later.”_

 _“Very well.”_ Jarett took his hand and bowed over it. _“Until then, Gilt D’amour.”_

 _“Be safe, Jarett.”_ Gilmore thought he’d managed to clear an entire interaction with Jarett without incident. But just as he was walking out the front door, Jarett turned back and planted one on Gilmore. _“You’re incorrigible,”_ Gilmore scolded him gently. 

_“And you are irresistible,”_ Jarett said with a smirk that showed he was not at all sorry.

This was all Sylas Briarwood’s fault, Gilmore decided. If he’d just possessed someone else, Gilmore wouldn’t be in this predicament. 

Night fell, and Vox Machina still had not come back from their reconnaissance mission. It was hard for Gilmore not to worry. For a time, Gilmore feared he would have to spend the night alone with Danika. But Cassandra came home with Sherri before midnight. Gilmore had missed Sherri leaving, so she must have used the Teleportation Circle in her room.

The three of them did their best to keep up light conversation that did not involve dragons or yesterday’s attack on the city. Gilmore taught them to play the Gambit of Ord, and they spent the night playing for biscuits instead of coin. At least, until Gilmore had eaten most of the biscuits. Then Sherri and Cassie retired upstairs for what little time remained until daylight. 

The sun was just coming up when Gilmore felt the Transport via Plants spell fire off down in the market square. He pulled on his fur lined robe and hat and hurried down to meet them. Gilmore searched Vox Machina with his eyes as he approached, but they all looked well and uninjured. Still, it felt like something was off. When he came closer, Gilmore saw what it was. 

Vex’ahlia was leaning against her brother, and both of the twins looked more sad than he could remember seeing them together. The entire party looked uncharacteristically somber. Keyleth’s nose was red as a strawberry, her cheeks flushed. As soon as she saw Gilmore, she burst into tears again, and he hurried over to give her a hug. She tried to tell him something, but the tears made her words unintelligible, and Gilmore already knew what had happened. He’d really meant to warn Percival before they left, so at least someone was prepared for what they might find. 

“Let’s call the council,” Percival said. “We have a report to give. And then...something.” Gilmore turned to look at him, but Percy just seemed resigned. He wandered off toward the castle.

Seeing Gilmore hugging Keyleth, Vex detached from her brother’s side and ran over to join. Vax followed more slowly, hovering awkwardly just out of reach, still looking melancholy. Until Keyleth turned and yanked him into the group hug. Standing between the girls, Vax quietly leaned his forehead against Gilmore’s fur collar. 

“Are you gonna hug me, Scanlan?” he heard Grog ask behind them. 

“No way, I’m hugging Gilmore!” the gnome replied. “He’s softer. And furrier!” A moment later, Gilmore felt arms wrap around his leg, and he truly hoped the gnome wasn’t doing anything inappropriate.

“Come on, Grog,” Gilmore told him. “There’s still room for you.” Grog walked up behind Gilmore, wrapping his arms around all of them.

“I know it sounds trite,” Gilmore said. “But he’s in a better place now.” 

“You mean the library?” Grog asked. 

“Yes, Grog. That’s exactly what he meant. The library,” Scanlan answered. 

“He would’ve thought it was a better place,” Vex’ahlia said softly. 

“It was the best place we could think of,” Keyleth added. 

“You all did very well,” Gilmore told them. “Now let’s go get this meeting over with so that you can rest. And tonight, I want to see you all at my house for drinks and comfort. This is a time we should all be together.” 

“I like drinks,” Grog said, reluctantly releasing all of them from his goliath embrace. 

“And I like comfort,” Scanlan said, letting go of Gilmore’s leg with a non consensual pelvic thrust. 

Keyleth turned to Vax when Gilmore let her go to begin walking up the hill. Gilmore kept one arm around Vex’ahlia as they went. 

“I was always taught the black dragons were the cruelest,” she murmured. 

“Dragons are individuals,” he told her. “Some black dragons are paranoid loners, plagued by their anxieties. And some white dragons enjoy taking life so much, they display all of their kills, not just their hunting trophies.”

“You knew?” Vex said, glancing up at him. 

“I was watching,” Gilmore lied. “Black dragons aren’t the only ones with anxiety.” 

She gave him a little squeeze with one arm. “Thank you for worrying. I know that seems like a strange thing to say, but. It’s nice to know someone’s watching out for us.” 

“Always,” Gilmore said. 

*

After the council meeting, Gilmore, Sherri, and Pike spent the whole day cooking, and Gilmore placed special orders with the baker as well. By the time Vox Machina arrived, the house was a sea of lights, and there was enough food and drink to serve an army. Every lamp, candle, and fireplace in the house had been lit, so it was warm enough to throw open the doors. 

Gilmore welcomed them to his library and made sure everyone had drinks. Half and halfs for Grog and Pike, wine for Scanlan and Percival, and elven mead for Vex’ahlia. “We seem to be missing two,” Gilmore said, glancing around. 

“My brother didn’t answer his door when I knocked,” Vex’ahlia said. “We couldn’t find Keyleth.” Behind her head, Grog made a lewd gesture with finger and fist to show where he thought the two of them were. Gilmore really wished he had not seen it; that was not a mental image he wished to have. Ever. 

“They’re probably bumpin’ uglies somewhere in the castle,” Scanlan said.

“Gross!” Vex’ahlia glared at him, but the gnome offered a wide smile, unrepentant. 

“We’ll just start without them,” Gilmore said, before anyone else chose to curse this evening further. He raised his glass of araq. “I’d like to make a toast: to Tiberius Stormwind. A truly unique individual. Eccentric scholar. Brilliant sorcerer. And a good friend.”

“He was so stupid.” Gilmore turned to see Keyleth and Vax in the doorway, she crying again, and Vax hovering awkwardly with his arm around her. 

“To Tiberius,” Vex’ahlia said. The others echoed and took a drink. Gilmore set his down so that he could get Vax and Keyleth settled. They spent several hours telling stories and sharing memories of Tiberius while drinking heavily. Gilmore did his best to make sure everyone ate at least a little, as well. 

When Gilmore went to the kitchen to get more lamb, he noticed a slender shadow following him. He stopped at the stove and turned around to see what it would do. Vax slunk toward him like a beaten dog. Gilmore opened his arms to offer an embrace, but that didn’t seem to be what he wanted. 

“Keyleth and I talked today. Before we came.”

“And?” Could it be? He’d finally done what he’d promised weeks ago?

“She said she loves me.” Vax clasped his hands in front of his chest, looking nervous.

Gilmore wasn’t sure how he was expected to react to this information. “She...hadn’t said that before?” 

Vax shook his head. “No.”

Why was he being forced to share his boy with someone who’d never even said ‘I love you’ again?

“And I love her. So…”

Gilmore waited, but Vax didn’t seem capable of completing the sentence. “So you have an agreement.” 

“Yes.” Vax nodded. “We love each other, and...we’re going to try it. Whatever it is...however long it lasts...”

“That’s very...open-minded of both of you.” Mortals rarely viewed intimate relationships in such an evolved fashion. 

Vax blinked at him. “What? To love each other?” 

Suddenly Gilmore wasn’t certain they were having the same conversation. “To have an open relationship.” 

“Oh. Well--I’m probably going to focus on her for a while. Since it’s so new.” 

Gilmore was taken aback. “Does that mean I’m old?” That seemed a very baser instinct mating-focused approach to relationships. 

“No,” Vax said. “No, I’m just being honest about where my emotional concentration will be. I mean, we’ll be leaving again tomorrow. And I won’t be able to see you while we’re traveling anyway…”

“Because you know I can’t visit you any longer.” It seemed convenient timing. 

Vax made a face. “That’s not why.” 

“Of course. No one knows better than I do that you’ve had designs on Keyleth for some time. I suppose I hadn’t realized...there was no understanding between the two of you when you told me all that time ago...” Gilmore didn’t want to repeat the words. Vax had broken up with him just because he’d fancied Keyleth? Surely not.

“Oh no, I told her I loved her a long time ago. Before we killed the Briarwoods, even. She just didn’t accept me...not fully before now. Anyway,” Vax focused on the floor, looking vaguely guilty. “I’ve been talking to Grog. And it doesn’t seem fair to leave you without someone while I’m focused on Keyleth.” 

“Am I without someone?” That was news to Gilmore.

Vax stared at the sink, clearly unprepared for this reaction. “Are you...I thought you only wanted to be with me.” He looked hurt. 

“I did give you that option,” Gilmore said. “And it’s not an offer I make often. But you chose not to take it.”

It took several moments for this to sink in. “Ah.” 

“Am I mistaken? Did you ever intend for our relationship to be exclusive?” 

Vax’s shoulders sagged a little. “No. I suppose not.” 

“There we are, then.” He smiled magnanimously. “Did you presume I didn’t have any other options?” Gilmore could tell from Vax’ildan’s reaction that he had. Or that he’d hoped Gilmore had been devoted to him while he had not been devoted to Gilmore. 

Vax looked even more depressed. “I guess. I never really thought about it.” He looked up at Gilmore, a sudden flash of jealousy in his eyes. “Who is it? Is it Jarett? It’s Jarett, isn’t it?”

“I’ve always had other offers,” Gilmore told Vax. “Since before you were born.” Vax looked confused. “And even this week, Artagan has made me an offer of sorts, albeit a very unappealing one.” Gilmore walked closer to Vax, brushing his long, straight hair back over his shoulder. “When I choose someone, it’s a rare event; I don’t give my favor lightly. But that does not mean I don’t have choices.” 

“Oh.” Vax could no longer meet his eyes. “So...maybe not Grog.” 

“Grog has made his interest clear to me,” Gilmore said. “But you weren’t giving me news, you were giving me permission, weren’t you?” 

“Er...I guess...well, I wouldn’t mind if it were Grog…” 

“Because?” Vax was not being honest, and Gilmore could smell it in his pheromones. 

“Grog’s a good friend.” Vax shrugged. “I trust him. I know...I think he would take care of you in my absence.” 

“So you’re planning to be absent from me, even when all of you are here in Whitestone?” 

“No,” Vax said, not seeing the flaw in his own logic. 

“But you don’t trust Jarett. Is that what you’re saying?” 

“I knew it was Jarett!” Vax looked up, almost angry now. “I knew it!” 

“What’s wrong with Jarett?” Gilmore asked him. 

“He’s--you know?--nothing. Nevermind. You can see whoever you want.” 

“Thank you for your permission.” Gilmore was almost too amused to be offended. 

“Look.” Vax stepped forward and put his arms around Gilmore. “I love you. You know that. And you know I’m insecure, and you know I think Jarett is cooler than me, and it’s weird because my sister likes him...But I’m with Keyleth now. And I don’t want you to be alone. Especially now, when you’re working yourself so hard with the barrier.” 

“Funny, that sounds like you’re breaking things off with me again.” Was this the same Vax that had told Gilmore how important he was to him just two nights ago? Who’d offered to kill a demi-god for him?

“I’m not,” Vax said firmly. “I just...I just want to see where this goes with Keyleth.” 

“Because it’s new,” Gilmore said. “But she said you could still see me, yes?” Vax nodded. “Then I hope you will choose to do so.”

Vax looked up, hurt. “Of course I will.” 

Gilmore bent to kiss his forehead. “It was beginning to sound otherwise.” 

Vax sighed, frustrated. “I’m bad at choosing.” 

“I’ve noticed,” Gilmore said, without judgment. Vax hugged him more tightly before stepping back. 

“Congratulations on exchanging ‘I love you’s, I suppose.” 

“Thanks for understanding,” Vax said. 

Gilmore bowed his head. “Perhaps you can do Jarett the same courtesy.”

“No promises,” Vax said, turning and stalking back to the library. Gilmore sighed, leaning against the counter and taking a few minutes to collect himself. He wasn’t really sure how to feel. Regardless, this was not the night for such feelings. This was a time to focus on the end of a journey and celebrate a friend. Finally, Gilmore picked up the dish and walked out of the kitchen. 

Keyleth and Vax made their excuses and left shortly after he returned. Percy was next. The five of them kept going for another hour, Pike telling anecdotes when everyone else was content to drink and mourn in silence. 

“Thank you. For doing this,” Vex’ahlia said, turning to Gilmore. 

“Yes, thank you, Gilmore,” Pike echoed. “It was very thoughtful of you.”

“Mourning is something that can’t be put off,” Gilmore said. “And it’s the least I could do for him.” 

“Do you ever wonder...how things might have been different? If he hadn’t left?” Vex’ahlia asked, melancholy.

Gilmore nodded. “Sometimes.” 

Her eyes filled with tears. “Maybe he’d still be alive.” The others grew very quiet. 

Gilmore leaned over and embraced her. “There’s no sense grieving over possibilities. All we can do is appreciate the time we had.” 

“Gilmore’s right.” Pike nodded. “It’s important to remember the good stuff. Tiberus was someone with no regrets. If he could see us now...” She clutched her pendant. “I think he’d want us to keep going.” 

“You know, I’m not sure we ever really mourned our mother,” Vex told Gilmore quietly. “What a funny thing to think of now.” 

“I don’t think it’s strange at all,” Gilmore said. “It makes perfect sense. One grief tends to bleed into another.” He stroked her hair. “Would you like to tell me about her sometime?” 

Vex’ahlia nodded. “I’d better go get some rest, though, for now. We’re leaving in the morning.” 

“So I heard. Will you be alright getting home?” Gilmore asked her.

“I’ll walk her back,” Grog said, chivalrously. 

“I can walk you part way back,” Pike offered. “I’ll be staying over at the temple tonight.”

“I’ll be alright if you want to stay, Grog,” Vex’ahlia told him. 

“Nah. I gotta take a raging piss anyway,” Grog announced. 

Gilmore walked them all out and bid them good night. Which left him alone with Scanlan, strangely. “You don’t have to worry about me,” the gnome told him when Gilmore walked back in. “I know how to keep a secret.” 

From the sound of it, Gilmore did not want to know. “Congratulations?” 

“But I might come to you at some point in the future to ask a favor,” Scanlan said, hopping up from his chair and approaching Gilmore. 

“You are always welcome to ask,” Gilmore told him. 

“See, I’m not sure how Vax would feel if he knew he’d been--shall we say ‘intimate’--with a dragon all this time.” 

What in the fresh hell? “I don’t understand,” Gilmore said. 

Scanlan’s smile widened. “Of course you don’t.” The gnome patted his knee. “A pleasure doing business with you.” He showed himself out, which was probably for the best. 

Gilmore sighed, getting up to prepare to clean up. Maybe it was better that they were leaving tomorrow. He didn’t want to hear any more from Vax about whom Gilmore was allowed to be with while he was away. And Scanlan’s words portended nothing good. 

Lockheed fluttered over from his perch over the hearth to alight on Gilmore’s shoulder. _“I miss him, too,”_ Gilmore told it in Draconic. He reached up to rub Lockheed’s bumpy snoot. _“But we go on. And we remember.”_ It wrapped its tail around his neck for balance, keeping Gilmore company while he tidied up.


End file.
